Thursday, 17 June 2010

For my Single Girls...laughter is the best medicine

Me again! Thought there hasn't been much humor here lately ;)

This is the last guest piece to appear here written by my twin and it's for all my fellow single girlies :D



The Simple Truth 

      I have finally discovered the secret! It's taken me some time, but I have finally come to the conclusion that all matchmakers (mothers and "aunties" in the community) speak the same lingua as real estate agents, which, in turn, is the same lingua used by marketers. Now, when somebody begins to tell me about someone just "perfect" for me, I no longer begin to dream of my Prince Charming. Instead, I flip to "translation" mode and begin deciphering what they have to say.
    • "Is expecting a promotion": Has a very low salary but expects that he will eventually be given a promotion just like every other person in his company
    • "His parents are really eager to get him married and want to pay for all the expenses": This can mean either three things, all of which are scary.
    1) His parents are beginning to get worried about his lifestyle and believe that he may be thinking of engaging in inappropriate behavior.
    2) He doesn't have enough money to pay for the wedding and any expenses.
    3) His parents have begun to despair of him ever being accepted as a groom and are willing to pay as much as possible to buy off a bride.
    • "Loves his family": Will be expected to live with his parents and will always take his parents' side
    • "Has already bought a cozy apartment": Has bought an apartment so tiny that it is not possible to move without touching the walls
    • "Has a knack of fixing things": Whereas before I would have thought this was something positive and meant the potential groom was independent, now that I've accepted reality, I understand that this can only have two meanings:
    1. He's very clumsy and breaks things easily and thus, has been forced to learn how to fix things.
    1. He is cheap and does not like to spend any money on fixing things.
      "Is very proud of his Arabic heritage": Does not speak English and does not believe one should
      "Loves to talk": That is, loves to hear the sound of his own voice and has fallen in love with his own ideas
      "Thinks that women should work": Believes that women should have to pay for their own personal expenses
      "Is interested in someone very active in her community": Does not want someone who will expect him to want to do things together- would prefer that they live their own separate lives
      "Is very popular and sociable": Has added hundreds of people he doesn't know to his Facebook account
      "Is into the latest gadgets": Has no idea of how to balance a checkbook and is obsessed with having the latest modal (this is particularly dangerous since it could signal wavering eyes)
      "Is very active and sporty": Enjoys playing videogames every day
      "Is very culturally aware": Watches a LOT of TV
      "Is always the first to apologize": Gets into many arguments over trivial things
      "Has a very good build": Is overweight and unwilling to change his diet
      And of, course, the last one: "You might be wondering why he didn't get married already. It's simply because he hasn't found the right person yet": Is looking for an idealized version of women (a cross between Martha Stewart and Salma Hayeck), which does not exist. Would like his all-in-one: personal maid, chef, dry cleaner, and Barbie, etc.
            These are just some examples of how matchmakers twist their words. I really don't know why they can't just say it like it is. I mean I'm always very honest. All I say is "Sure, I have some faults, but really they're nothing. I'm just plain amazing"….just the plain simple truth.  
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And one last one from me--





The Good Habits
By Dr. Sarira

  1. Procrastinate- this habit will get you out of many tiresome chores. For example: your mother calls you to come clean the table, but you are surfing the internet. Simply answer her, "in five minutes." Let five minutes pass. She might ask you again. Ask for a few more minutes. She might nag you about them, but just ignore her. And then, let a few more minutes pass. Then, a couple more. Keep postponing it for later until your mother gives up on you and does it herself or asks your sister to do it. This habit is also very important to use when it comes to studying for a test. If you don't master this skill of procrastination, some other student will; therefore, all your studying will go to waste, anyways. 

  1. Think of yourself first. Although it is difficult to always put your needs above everybody else's, this is a very important habit. If you develop this habit and nurture it from a young age, your siblings will never bother to ask you again for a piece of your chocolate cake. Also, if you manage to fully engrain this habit in your personality, you will find that standing in long queues, or driving in traffic will no longer seem so long and boring. So good at this you'll get (thinking of yourself first), pretty soon you'll be able to reach some mall before an ambulance can reach an emergency hospital! Literally. (All you have to do is always remember the Golden Rule: Do unto yourself as you would like others to do for you.)

  1. Always work in teams. That is, whenever an assignment is due, stick yourself to some smart student and "work together as a team". You know what way I mean, right? Teamwork is all about one person doing all the work and the other one being part of the team.

  1. Blame everybody but yourself. If you want to be a President or "anybody" for that matter, your best hope is to blame everybody but yourself whenever a mistake arises. This is because you will make a mistake at some point in time. However, why let that get you down? I'm sure there is somebody in your past that bullied you, spoiled you, lied to you or etc. that you can simply blame the mistake on.

  1. Never be flexible. Remember to keep your schedule just the way you want it to be. If others need to talk to you or work with you, they can change their schedule. This habit will earn you lots of respect as others will soon see that you aren't a pushover. If you're hesitant to take up this habit, refer back to habit #2.

  1. Know how to read something written satirically in the right way. It could save you a lot of trouble.




 P.S.: Attention single Muslimahs! I just learned about Practimate's latest training available for free! It's called "How to Get Laser-Clarity on What You Could Offer to Your (future) Husband in Clear and Tangible Terms." It comes with other trainings and a private members area, masha'Allah.

You should get the training Implementation Mastery

7 comments:

  1. Ha ha! The translation guide is right on! Excellent! :)

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  2. Hahha You guys are literally excellent, and great writers, this was fun to read, DONT LEAVE US :(:(:(
    lol oh man i love this blog
    take care
    xx
    naz

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  3. LOL This made me laugh !
    I agree wholeheartedly with Naz above me :)

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  4. Halla bateeka habibiti.

    ok so the ladies words men are soo exact.. pretty please can i link u in my blogg.. i sjt want some sisters to read this post hehe.

    plzz dnt leave the blog, i jst founf u after some long time and i wish we can blog together...

    hiyyach Allah. xx

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  5. What a funny post! Very nice tips for one to analyse during the match making process, thank you!

    From personal experience, my aunties think they know my ideal man, more than I do myself. This gets into a bit of a mess as I meet men who are as you described above. You'd think these aunties are getting commission as real estate agents do! Perhaps a share in the dowry! ;)

    All the best, I pray you find your prince charming :)

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  6. LOL I love your translations for the match-makers, hehehehe.

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  7. LOL! I love the translation guide especially,
    * "Has a knack of fixing things": Whereas before I would have thought this was something positive and meant the potential groom was independent, now that I've accepted reality, I understand that this can only have two meanings:

    1. He's very clumsy and breaks things easily and thus, has been forced to learn how to fix things.

    2. He is cheap and does not like to spend any money on fixing things.


    Thumbs up!

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Hey :D So am I talking to myself or...? Tell me what you think :D